orbitting is what lune does best

2009-06-30T16:14:00.002+01:00

travelune has now come to the end of the journey. I might have stop orbitting around the world but I haven't stopped writing. Another chapter closed means another chapter opened. Hop onto www.craftygeekythings.blogspot.com and watch me muse all things crafty, geeky and fashionable. Twas fun while it lasted. x

The aftermath

2008-12-24T10:52:00.003Z

In my head , I've had a these non-existant conversations with him. I wanted to have the last say, to make the last biting impression, to prove him wrong. But the fact is, nothing could've changed the dynamics of this situation. It was bad execution, bad timing. You'd think that after 2 years and 3 months, this anomaly in his character would not in a million years happen. But it's the thing with most people - desperate situations garner desperate measures. My trust is betrayed. So much for having faith, and constantly making the best out of the distance.

Am I hurt, you would ask.

Yes I am. Of course. If there was a double edge sword, this was it. 3 weeks of annual leave and an expensive air ticket doesn't buy you a say in the way this should end. And the crude act was claimed as a reach out for technology. Technology, seriously.

I can't believe that he did this to you, you would say.

To be honest, none of us expected this at ALL. But I suppose between Nov and Dec he had plenty of time to plot and think about it and this is the fruit of that thought process. So does that mean work and uni are all excuses as on top of all that, he manages to fit someone new in his life? Busy indeed. But the crucial bit was that I was left out of this picture entirely. He plotted and planned, and he didn't think it was a big deal to talk to me about it. It didn't matter how I feel, how I react. It was all assumptions in his head. He has thought the worst of me in this whole saga because the beacon that shines above me gets dimmer by the second, and in the end, there was nothing but shadows.

What did he say, what are his justifications?, you would ask again.

Instead of bowing out of it like a true gentleman, he's thrown someone into the picture. Truth to be told, it could end without me knowing that bit of information, and i might perhaps be better off without knowing it. Now it just seems like he's got no respect for me nor this new person in his life. She's the reason that this all fell apart, not distance. She became the scapegoat. Distance became secondary. So really, in this light, infidelity was the issue. All I can say is, good luck. I am glad that your hair's not tangled with mine anymore. I thought you were noble, I really did.

Any last parting words?

I don't hate you
I don't like you
I don't dislike you
and I most certainly do not love you.
I loved you
But I cannot love you now and I will not love you.

If I have emotions at all, I am done with wasting them on you.

Full circle

2008-12-06T02:05:00.003Z

And so she left home the even number of 4 years short to a decade and wished that the dreams that were crafted in those foreign lands abroad did not just sink like a ton of bricks into the sea.

Sink it did, back to the motherland where reality hits, larger than life, changing her life and others around her. Lofty dreams became even loftier, toiling away in the well-oiled but overworked Asian population. It was fruitful, different from what she's experienced from the past, but only she stuck out like a sore thumb in the crowd, the black sheep amongst the endless sea of white, and conformity is naught but a long forgotten concept once abide those many adolescent years ago.

Reintegration is a painful thing and full circles don't come easy.

There was this misconception borne by her goodself that the timing was right and she was ready to cast her expat lifestyle away in turn of something more promising and deserving for her stature. "It will be a full circle" she said. The exact same words that she used when wrapping up the final vestiges of academia life. Little that she knew that going home wasn't the full circle that she talked about. Rather, it was the idea of being left behind in the magical place that made the thought more appealing than it should be. She could've been a pauper, but with red tape surrounding her existence and survival in the city, she took leave thinking simply that her time was up and that was the best available option.

A week from her first year away from the bright lights of big city, she sought for solace, for a reason to escape from the world she resides in. She wants to feel the haphazardness of it all. She wants to see him. Only that he no longer feels the same way about her.

It was then that she finally realised that that was the full circle that has finally come together in her life. London remains that magical vessel of a city.

Dark corners

2008-05-18T17:42:00.003+01:00

If the cyber space is the corner where I can verbalise all this pain that I feel, then let it be, it is the dark corners that I want to hide in, at least for a little while. No one sees the truth for I am masked by a lingering shadow that won't go away until I am ready to face sunlight again.
In the dark corners of the wall I cast irrate words and negative thoughts, hoping they would soon disappear in the infinite depths of the corner. It is the soul that needs salvation from the poison that comes from within. I am in need of an antidote that cures all evils of the world that I am in.
I want to smile the happiest of all smiles, but all I could manage is a frown.
I want to weep tears of joy, alas only devastating sobs pierce the air in its solitude.
I want to breathe in air and feel blessed to be alive, but there is no air, and I am choking with each breathe drawn in.
And with each word tapped on the screen, I am indulging in my self pitying flights of fancy.
That dark corner hides a multitude of sins,
lest I'd be accused of being selfish.
I'd emerge unscathed on the outside, never letting the world see that inside, I have slowly, but surely eroded away.

the cons of being a pro

2008-03-22T16:41:00.002Z

What were you thinking in your head when you were growing up as a child?
Hopelessly random question this is and then it all seems relevant when I eventually put it in a context.
I guess I'm just lamenting of sorts because all isn't well in the professional life. I still stand by the fact that people make work complicated. If there aren't so many people trying to be professor X, the world or shall I say the workplace would've be a much habitable space. And we could all just go on living our lives as ruthless capitalists and indulgent consumers regardless of country nor region.
And when thoughts like these continually surface in the head, it means my head is working overtime on unnecessary bad energy.

which also means, bedtime beckons.

dog eat dog

2008-02-24T13:55:00.002Z

I don't know if I am trying hard enough or if I've actually done my best. Somedays I think I'm just resisting certain aspects of my life here when my heart is somewhere else. Somedays I feel happily contented just going with the flow. Truth is, I don't want to be just somebody who does what is required. I don't want to be a robot that does everything that gets heaped on my plate just because it's part of the parcel. Where is the fun of that? I might as well be someone who doesn't have thinking skills.

I want to feel it and know it inside out. I want to do it because I know fully what the consequences are and what the full package entails. I want to do and not fear of being reprimanded in any other way because no one can make me feel small unless I allow it to be that way.

And then after all this talk, it all boils down to one simple fact.
It's a dog eat dog world that we're living in. You win some and lose some.

Honestly, right now, I'd need a lifejacket and a parachute to go through with this ordeal I've put myself into. As for the rest, some chill pills and common courtesy would not go amiss. We could do with some positive vibes around here.

Foreign Homeland

2008-01-14T15:03:00.000Z

I am home. That's possibly the simplest yet ambiguous statement one could say about being back at the place you grew up in, or does it?

Home is where the heart is, that's what they all say. Right now, I don't know if my heart is at it, but I know that I would like to give it a go, that's for sure. And getting accustomed to the environment is like trying to settle into Melbourne or London again, even if it's home.

There is the psychology that if you make an effort to blend in, everything would fall into place. The experience of coming home feels exactly like exploring a new set of cultural implications in a completely foreign country.

You play by the rules that govern the society that we live in. It should be a piece of cake, seeing there's no visas to mull about, or a weird language that doesn't make sense. Still the process of integration is a tricky one.

First there's the history to think about. The 6 year absent is never easy to explain because people like jumping to conclusions. When the family details are relinquished, it only fuels their ideas that consequently become a concrete thought. Once it's formed, you are set in their minds. Whilst the things that make you a person is a blurry haze, they can always count on the many stereotypes to inform what they think best represents you.

I'm certainly no stranger to being the stereotype only child scenario. In fact it's one of those things that would follow me wherever I go, possibly to the end of time. You can always count on countless pointless conversations to find that your childhood, family and values does not conform to the perceived average ideals of the society.

And then I'm reminded that it's just a dog eat dog world we live in....it's a competition of being the loudest and proudest, by hook, by crook, by wit or merely by sheer lung capacity.

Lune is no longer orbitting!

2008-01-03T16:07:00.000Z

After many years of first venturing out into the realm of blogging, I've yet again hit another hiatus. I could very well blame it on the lack of internet back in London, and what with the travelling and moving and packing, it just did not top my priority list for the past 2 months or so. You would think that after all those years of keeping blogs, I would've at least made it a regular habit of mine. But the thing is, I think I'm just a blog recluse. I publish all those personal words only to hope that I'll remain anonymous except among a few close friends. At the end of the day, I do vent more than I chronicle. It's easier to be objective than subjective. Let the whole world read my pain and laugh at me while I remain in the shadow, just another anonymity of cyberspace. It kinda defeats the purpose of having a blog. Does that also mean that I'm shy when it comes to exposing myself to a bigger audience?

A conversation with the bf puts alot of things in perspective. When I blog, I feel a much happier person, and subsequently takes the load off people around me as all the unwanted negative energy is released through the process of airing my many frustrations with life.

Fortunately for me, I see a new project in the horizon with a blog that has nothing to do with my personal life. Just exactly how long it could be kept impersonal remains to be seen. But unfortunately with this blog, it is no longer apt as I am now back in the (scarily) comforting environment of home, pursuing a career at long last!

Lune is no longer orbitting! And here's another close to another great era.

I will keep this as my travelling log.

BT hates us apparently

2007-08-17T17:59:00.000+01:00

It's the old line again. Fact is this share house of mine is plague with lots of interesting problems, not so much on personality conflict but just the actual logistics of the house itself. There was the ant invasion a while back, which didn't bother me too much as long as we're armed with bottles of ant poison. Then there was the girl who did a runner and never turned up to stay in the room even though she paid deposit. And then it's the vacuum cleaner, which eventually arrived on our doorstep after long pestering the agency for it. They weren't such a big deal really. Now the latest one happens to be the phone and internet. 2 months of blissfully speedy connection going to waste because BT cut our phoneline off due to a late payment. Whoose fault was that, I really don't want to start pointing fingers. So it's been 2 weeks since I pestered BT to connect us back (that comes with a hefty 106.37 pound reconnection fee). Not a word from them, despite telling me that I should wait for a call back. And the age old story of being onhold on the line unfolds. I call them to chase it up, only to listen to a droning dialtone for 30 minutes. I hang up the phone at work, and get on with life, and picking up the phone again during my lunch break. Such is life. RAHHHH

A year in Muji

2007-07-23T20:59:00.000+01:00

There is this sudden impulse for me to blog, to surf the internet instead of flipping through the last installment of Harry Potter. I'm half way through it and am determined to finish the book by Wednesday. Despite the urge to read, I have a bigger urge to vent. To vent about my future plans, my job and my life. It all started when I saw that CV on the office table. By golly, this person's managing an All Saints (not the pop band, it's a uber-cool deconstructionist fashion label) store, what does she want from Muji? I was once happy being at work, until recently, when the monotony of it all got all too uninspiring - the super-demanding customers, the lack of challenges, and the lack of fresh ideas. Without realizing it, tomorrow is officially a year spent in Muji. The thought of it scares me, upon which I fear that I've spent too much time mingling around retail, and not entirely fashion retail to be worthy of a career in design. I've always been confident that there isn't a bad experience, and that it will help me in whatever direction I wish to pursue in the future, somehow today of all days, I'm not so sure of my convictions. What if I'm wrong?

Time in Muji has been valuable in many ways. The things that I've learnt and the people that I've worked with throughout the year all play a big part of my London experience. Of course the initial excitement wore off, and then the skeletons in the head office were revealed, and then you find yourself doubting the capabilities of your leaders. That's how I feel, tired of going nowhere in the company due to circumstances that I have no control of, tired of being led around by mostly clueless people, feeling sad for those who deserved better but are stuck in a rut, and then feeling sad again for those who only saw the zen-like facade of its branding and wanted to be part of it. In that instance of spying upon that CV of a possible Assistant Manager, I had all those thoughts rushing through my head.

Perhaps the time has come for me to move on, from Muji, from London, from mediocrity. Right now there's a person in this little blog space that wants badly to be a somebody in this big big world, and is looking high and low for that opportunity to let her be the person she deserves to be.

Greys addiction

2007-07-10T21:14:00.000+01:00

So I holed myself up in my "tower" or that's what Liliana calls our room, the whole of my day off catching up with the Greys Anatomy season 2 boxset that I acquired just before leaving for Germany last month. I am proud to announce that 8 hours later, I've managed to finish off the remaining episodes in the 5 discs that I have left to plowed through. Now I'm left wanting more. More of Derek and Meredith. Perhaps, just the opportunity to yell at the screen for their inconclusive relationship. I'd really just like to see her hook up with Chris o'Donnell because he seems a better man. However, when McDreamy is concerned, I suppose he's worth more than getting sick for, or is he? Now TvLinks is failing to satisfy my current hunger for season 3. It just won't load!! I think the powers that may be have caught up with the internet's best kept secret, and have decided to make life difficult for us mere mortals who just want a little bit of scandal to fill in that vacuous pit that we call our lives. Fear not, the internet being the internet, I've since found access to some other sites, but episode 1 season 3 just refuse to budge!

Moral of the story? I've just gotta be patient.

And get a bloody life!

Les Miserables

2007-07-08T22:05:00.000+01:00

First up, I'm gonna rave about the greatness that is Les Miserables. Not the book mind you, I haven't yet got round to reading Victor Hugo's masterpiece, which the eel warned is a massive volume of a book (good to throw it in the direction of nasty people, or the miserable ones? *snicker*). I don't think I've ever flipped through the English version, but have stumbled upon the French copy many years ago in the foreign language section of some bookstore, beckoning for a closer inspection out of the many other unfamiliar names surrounding it. There's also a film made of it some years ago but other than Claire Danes, I couldn't for life of me remember who and what it was about.

By the time early 2006 role by, I finally saw the musical in concert format from this DVD that Chiru got from her friend. If I was frank, concert format of musicals hardly ever does the actual musical justice. It's just pure singing, in the order of the show, stripped of the costumes, sets and acting that I love very much of the whole theatre-going experience. Hence I remained quite unimpressed by LesMis all those years , mostly put off by its seriousness and lack of gripping tunes (unlike the impressionable Lloyd Webber compositions, namely a certain French weirdo that likes lurking around the opera house). Then along came that £16.25 ticket that changed my perception forever.

I went to the show not knowing what to expect apart from some historical costumes and props, the standard fare of most period theatre, and also keeping in mind that it's the world's longest running musical (22 years is very impressive in West End and Broadway standards), thus allowances must be made for the time of its conception because it might not be as sophisticated as one expect it to be (points to Phantom, where clearly, certain onstage effects need some 21st century updating). Therefore I was pleasantly surprised to see a rotating stage made to look like cobbled stone streets, dark grey and devoid of any excess decoration. It's one of those sets that transcends time and space, ambiguously flexible for whatever your imagination holds out for yet at the same time undeniably modern and current. Combined with clever lighting effects and unfussy monotonous props, it allows the characters, plot and music to stand out and take centre stage.

The plot was surprisingly easy to follow. The various time periods which largely holds the story together was clearly indicated in each act, and the rotating stage is used to its full effect here on many occasions. One can't help but be moved by the intensity of the songs, which could only be performed by equally skilled actors. I know I shouldn't laugh, but apart from the real comedic bits relished in a sarcastic tune by the thieving inn-keepers, the slow-mo acting in the battle scenes gets me all the time. How to place yourself over the war wreckage after supposedly being shot by a bullet? That's a real skill for the CV I reckon. The songs are of course central to the plot and characters, in LesMis's case, it's pretty much an anthemic affair seeing as the subplots revolved around French nationalists. I know by now that it's futile to compare it with Phantom as even though musically it's not the sort of music that catches your ear immediately, it is consistent and subtle, complimenting the entire show rather than overpowering it.

By the time the standing ovations rolled around, it was clear why LesMis stood the test of time and well-loved by theatre goers. It certainly lives up to its hype and reputation. Well crafted musicals are hard to come by, and LesMis had all the boxes ticked. A well-paced plot, a clever and flexible set, powerful tunes, fully formed characters and a rounded cast. Everything came together seamlessly in the right proportions, neither taking the shine away from each other. I wouldn't mind shedding moving tears again for a second viewing.

Now it sits on top of my list of favourite musicals next to Sweeney Todd.

The grand summary

2007-06-24T20:30:00.000+01:00

First things first, I am finally back online again after a miserable hiatus from the rest of humanity on the other side of the world. That itself is a great cause of celebration. No more wasting pounds to crowded internet cafes with slow computers and dodgy keyboards that won't type properly, or staring into the tiny mobile phone screen for limited mobile internet access. As much as I dislike my codependence on technology, it does make you think how people got by doing everyday tasks without the click of the mouse. I feel that my life is on track again. I can start planning for things to see and do at the leisure of my bedroom. Cliche as it sounds, I am in control of my own future.

Now that there's only a week left to the month, I've never been glad enough to say that it's finally over. What a load of crap to endure for the whole month. For once Susan Miller is eerily spot on on the month's forecast, though I have never took astrology much to heart. And despite those 4 glorious years of my life spent in the Southern hemisphere, I've never been so quick to utter my despise to its people until now. Maybe it's unfortunate that the whole lengthy but not-so-complicated incident involves a little more than a couple of Aussies, but it reaffirms alot of things that I have learnt living in their country. Then again before this problem came along, there was an episode that involved some Koreans, so do I go marking the world map with people that I dislike? The biggest problem of it all stems from money. I know it's the one thing that you'll never get a compromise out of anyone, including myself, which is why the entire month has been one big mess. I won't go as far to call myself a victim, I'm not. I'm a person who happened to be caught in between people's indecisiveness, greed and disorganisation. It's not my job to solve their problems or to pick up their mess. At the end of the day, all I ever want is a place I can call home in London. Is that too much to ask for? For now, I'm glad to see the problems coming to a resolve.

***

On a happier note, I've enjoyed a mini getaway from London in Dusseldorf, Cologne and Amsterdam. Nothing beats the familiar company of a good friend. Many thanks to Adele and Eric for their kind hospitality. It was nice to leave the problems in London behind and go to places where the languages I have in disposal fail me. It's exciting yet frustrating at the same time not knowing or understanding a foreign language (despite the fact that both Dutch and Germans use English very frequently). Whilst walking through these book markets in Amsterdam and later in Dusseldorf, I was devoured by this overwhelming sense of helplessness of not being able to tap into the wealth of information presented to me. This only inspires me to take up another foreign language and learn it well. I need to spruce up my French.

Truth to be told, I went to Germany without having any expectations at all of the country in question. All I could think of is the world war, the Berlin wall and technology. Somehow Bauhaus and Beethoven slipped my mind because Germany didn't seem like a country that inspires creativity. Dusseldorf is exactly that. The initial impression of the city gave off a very industrial vibe and later it all felt very sombre. It had to do with the brick-walled buildings and non-descript apartment buildings that lined the streets, down to the trams weaving its way through the city. Unlike Melbourne, there were nothing charming or any historical sentiment attached to the trams. They seemed more like regimented transporters that did its job in a very precise manner. It is the same systematic approach to things that made the train ride to Amsterdam interesting. The coat hooks, the seat signage that tells you if the seat is reserved, the retractable seat for more room and a much more comfortable journey - these are things that might seem insignificant but their attention to minute details impressed me the most.

Koln or Cologne doesn't fail to make an impression with the magnificent Dom cathedral. It's the first and last thing you see of the city going in and out of the train station. The sight of it dominates the view of the city even from a distance. The scale of it is unlike any Christian institution I've ever seen (evidently I've not seen enough yet!). Built over 600 years from the 1200s, it miraculously survived the world war. Apart from its intricate gothic facade, the stain glass windows had me in awe. They were in all imaginable jewel tones, depicting stories of the saints, but religious sentiments aside, what really gripped me were the more ornamental ones with its repeated shapes creating a series of graphic patterns that I can easily imagine as a print on a dress or a start for some interesting design exercise. Other highlights of Cologne includes walking into a Lego shop and waffles! I ought to have tried the Berlinder (which are custard donuts). Walking on the streets of Cologne in the evening made me feel as if I was in a 90s French film.

Amsterdam is in an entirely different league from Germany. It all seem so sunny and happy there. Perhaps it's the colours of the quaint, charming yet slightly wonky dutch houses that lined the streets by one canal after the other, or like most would say, the liberal policies on sex and drugs. If I can name one thing that I didn't love about Amsterdam , it would be the smell of weed wafting in the air where a smoking house is nearby, otherwise, it would've been that perfect place to be. We stumbled upon a small book market where I procured a pair of book earrings. I think they were probably the smallest books ever made. It was a shame that we got to the Rembrandt house too late, though the thought of just standing outside his doorstep is enough to make me grin like a mad woman. I really wanted to buy this paper doll house, replica of the rembrandthuis but the price and practicality of it all put me off. I would defintely make my way back to Amsterdam really soon, and the next time, I want to be in the house, as well as visiting the Van Gogh Museum.

And then back in dusseldorf for the weekend, I was very much amused by the happy drunk crowds with their never ending pints of beer, and the loud groups of men huddled together belting out off-sounding tunes. I think that put me off German men instantly. On Saturday, I finally had some sausages for brunch. The currywurst was absolutely yummylicious!! I was craving for it days after but there was none to be found in London. We went to the Media Harbour, a place likened to the Docklands in Melbourne. Very modern and vast, unlike the other parts of the city. It was here that I finally saw with my very own eyes Frank Gehry's genius. It's a series of 3 apartments each with a different facade, which I assume were made from different materials. The first is in white, the next one in the iconic titanium made famous by the Guggenheim in Bilbao, and the last one in brown. There were some other interesting structures around the river whose architect I need to learn about some day as they were all outstanding in their own right because in that fleeting moment, my perspective on Dusseldorf changed for the better. I appreciate the fact that 3 very distinctive voices coexisted in the same city, its past, present and the future.

All in all, I could only say that it's too short of a trip. I've managed to pack alot in three days, and came back with a full backpack (when I left London with it only being half full!) It's been a great start to exploring Europe. I now look forward to many more mini getaways, but where to go next?

At least there's a stash of Lonely Planet in the bookshelves in the living room.

Storm

2007-06-09T14:43:00.000+01:00

One year on, and I feel like I'm back into square one. The initial excitement has worn off. London prices is hitting me hard in the face. Makes you wonder what I'm being strong and resilient for. Humanity has a way to put you down when you slip into a comfort zone. Or should I say shake things up? I want to think that it makes life seem more exciting and liveable. To quote a certain someone from a certain brilliant yet-to-be-published book, "when it doesn't hurt, you're not living it right." Perhaps it does hold certain truths of the world that we live in. To not take everything for granted. I learnt it the hard way this time round. I feel like I've been hit by one large wave after the other ever since I came back to London. I kept coming up for air but the current kept pulling me back into the water. I'm not drowning yet (thank goodness for swimming lessons!) and I don't intend to. I am strong. I am tough. I am the main mountain. I want to believe that I am all that. Somedays it just seems too hard to live up to my namesake. I am but just mud and dirt disguised in a seemingly grand facade. I will for this stormy phase to pass.....

absence

2007-06-09T14:18:00.000+01:00

It all started with a chance meeting, in a quiet shop floor, somewhere in the west, some place where the sloanies preside. My memory of it is vague, inconsequential. It was blurry to a fault but its hazy presence is nothing short of being beautiful. The only thing I remembered of it was the weather, balmy and sunny, perhaps the last thing I would expect of London.

Some weeks down the line, there was an abundance of good vibrations around. Nights of walking around Piccadilly and Trafalgar Square, watching the crowds go by, bearing our souls in the illuminated darkness, hearts growing fonder with each moment past. That was the beginning of something new.

Eventually it all happened under the pitter-patter of raindrops falling from the night sky, the neon lights glowing over our heads. Fates were sealed. Unbeknownst to our lightheaded selves, a rollercoaster journey thus ensues.

One thing after the next, it all escalates to this pinnacle moment where the outlook is misty and occasionally stormy. Had global warming reached an even universal scale, affecting all that’s within its stride? Or was it Father Time who got increasingly impatient with the trickling of sand in the hourglass? Perhaps it was people with their concept of familiarity, of all things, breed contempt?

At the end of the day, is the strength of the heart stronger than external factors that will it to be torn apart? Resilience might be the key word, but will the sky remain its bright cyan hue after all of this, until the dark clouds roll by again?

Fear is an unnecessary element in the equation that ultimately paralyses all. We are above it all. The light at the end of the tunnel is hard to find, perhaps eventually, it emerges around the bend. Slowly, surely.

Fashion Conspiracy

2007-04-28T21:35:00.000+01:00

Fashion news is of abundance in London this week. Is it any wonder at all? Like I said, there must be something in the alignment of the planets this month for such events can't be planned in advance, well apart from the major PR success of Anya Hindmarch's "I'm not a plastic bag" for Sainsbury.

That aside, 2 fashion stores burnt down one after another. One shook the nation with New Look's Oxford Street store bursting into flames and smoking up pretty much the entire chunk of the street, the other was the Diesel store on the road that I work at, which apparently had burnt down on one of the days that I was off work. Coincidence. Hmmmm. At the back of my mind, I dubbed it as a fashion conspiracy. I am secretly amused at what happened to New Look, while I wince for the demise of that lovely Diesel store (and its yummy clothes). It is quite clear to me that I can be unbashedly biased when it comes to labels and its price tag. A loss of 1 million pounds might be a huge dent for New Look, but what does it amount to compared to the annual fashion consumption (and disposal) of the entire nation?

While I harbour the illusion that some hardcore anti-establishment eco-warrior had set the fires to express his profound disgust to the blatant commercialism and excessiveness of fast fashion (which is indeed a very romantic thought on my part), the reality was probably nothing more than a short fuse that blew off from flaming high voltage spotlights. In fact, the one store that I really want to see burning down to ashes is that disgustingly vast Primark that just opened last month on Oxford Street. One can only imagine the look of distaste on my face as I look on at bargain hunting shoppers flitting about the space, being held in snaking queues from the friendly distance of the bus. I know never to say never, for I might one day succumb to its overly pedestrian prices (even for high street standards) and embrace it as I would embrace the other end of the fashion spectrum, but right now, I want more than a fast fashion fix. My conscience would not allow it.

For now, I guess All Saints will do as a replacement for these temporary Diesel-less days. New Look can remain its charcoal self.

In between tissues

2007-04-15T01:05:00.000+01:00

There must be something in the alignment of planets and stars for this month hasn't been off to a good start. I ought to be in bed now, nursing this sudden cold that came out of nowhere since last night, instead I feel reflective and a little sad and that annoying bit of uncertainty hovering around the back of my mind about lots of things.

Some days I feel that my little sidetrip here in the uk is exciting and one with a purpose. Some days it drains me out and all I want to do is pack it all in and go home. Finding work for the sake of surviving in a big city in London is not the hardest thing, but getting my foot into the door is. Part of me is convince that what I do right now will eventually lead to bigger things in life (if i am patient), and that I should never ever lose hope. The other part of me yearns for something bigger, better and beyond the mundane life of a sales assistant, right this instant. I love fashion but these days I start to feel that it's a one sided affair, that it refuses to love me back. The industry is cruel to those who dare to dream. Isn't it ironic? Of the thousands of jobs that I see everyday on the websites, a pattern is emerging. While it is known fact that designing posts will always be scarce on the job market, there seems to be an overflow of entry level merchandising and buying jobs. The most depressing part of the revelation is not because one can't be a designer after all those years of toiling in uni, it has more to do with the fact that the market wants a graduate from a background that has nothing to do with fashion. Has my logic gone amiss in all those years spent pursuing my passion? Or was it just the problem with humanity? Money is still the root of all evil, even more so in the world's major fashion capital. When fashion is trickled down to the high street, it becomes less of a craft, but more on number-crunching, margins, and bottomlines. Personally, I'm not so put off by the commercialism of fashion as it is an entirely different world unto its own which I find oh so fascinating. However it makes me a little sadder to know that creative types are still perceived as a little too eccentric to be taken seriously for the real world. Are dreams made of tiny black and white numbers afterall?

A sorta fairytale

2007-04-12T22:35:00.000+01:00

I never thought I will ever feel that way again - small, alone, unappreciated, confused and rejected - all manner of ill feelings that one could ever muster up in one go, the ones where it overwhelms you so much that all you want to do is to bawl your eyes out, irregardless of time, people and place. I can't remember how many years ago was that now, that I heard the resounding stabs in my heart, the repulsive squishy sound that could only mean the draining ooze of blood and subsequently the demise of the heart. The void that was formerly my heart was filled with such hatred that I never learnt to feel or love again until many months later. Unsurprisingly, my heart was stronger than I thought it to be, it's just that it no longer has a space for this person who tried to break it.

Truly, I am destined for more heart-wrenching action, and it must be etched somewhere on my palm between the life and heart lines.
(I am sure that for as long as I live, it's not ever going to stop reoccuring unless something as bizarre as an elusive spiritual figure intervenes)

After all that, my faith in humanity got the better of me. Knowing very well what the answer was from all the conversations we ever had, I served my heart on a very shiny silver dish, clinging on the last glimmer of hope only to have an equally shiny scalpel slicing it effortlessly in half. Needless to say, I was announced as being clinically dead within seconds, nothing but an empty shell staring out into the space occupied by the person who just performed the deed. Unlike the first cut, I didn't cry, or make a scene. My emotional responses shut down. I didn't hate either but I just didn't feel. I wanted to walk away but my legs are as hard as concrete. The damage is done, I'm a broken person. In my head the same message runs over and over again, telling me that I should've known better. Still, I don't think it would've stop me from trying.

That was when I took the path of recovery, as I held on to him. Led around the block, I watched my feet shuffled on the ground beneath me, each step seemed as unreal as the next. I am alive, I am a survivor, yet I'm at lost. I don't hate, it's just that I love a little less, if one could ever quantify emotions. I don't have any desire to venture out into the deep end again until that sinking feeling goes away.

In one night, I've probably understood more than I've bargained for. And that really really hurts.

the songs that we sing

2007-04-09T23:51:00.000+01:00

*snicker*

Gemilang Reality.....*deadpan*
I know I'm a little slow on the uptake, but little did I expect the winning song from the first Malaysian Idol to show such diversity in language. We are a multicultural, multilingual nation after all. In all fairness, Jaclyn Victor ain't half that bad, and so was the song. Perhaps I'm just this ignorant Malaysian who has been oblivious to the development of the local music industry for the past few years. I still live in the era when Awie, Sheila Majid, M. Nasir, Zainal Abidin, Ning Baizura and Ella were popular names. Who's in the limelight now, apart from Siti Nurhaliza, reigning pop queen for the past 10 years or so. Household names are easy to come by, but their songs long forgotten. In all honesty, I can only think of 2 songs in the 90s that stuck on after all those years, transcending racial and language barriers to become national favourites. Their mass appeal and widespread recognition are perhaps best demonstrated in singing competitions where language is of concern. The average chinese guy usually ends up choosing either Innuendo's Belaian Jiwa or Manbai's Kau Ilhamku. In two different singing comp programmes, one which is Malaysian Idol and the other some crappy mandarin pop idol show on 8tv, they become the non-malay man's Malay anthem. It's really quite amusing. Who says that we don't try to intergrate with 60% of the population?

a mile stone

2007-04-07T00:09:00.000+01:00

I remember very vividly that phase in my life where I questioned alot about what it's like to be a true individual. On the streets of Melbourne I scoured for answers but to no avail. It was a difficult question. Not only was it a difficult question, it's one that has no permanent solution. Was there any answers to it in the first place? I suppose not. It became slightly pointless in the end to pursue an intangible lead. For a while it was interesting. It was my bid to understand the world a little bit more. My existence, my being and my place in society would be justified through the little gems of wisdom that I uncovered in my quest for individualism.

Today the quest is a forgotten mission. I've came to accept that no one person is alike. Despite the same facial features, the same clothes, the same hair, and the vain attempt of channeling the style of someone famous, it doesn't hide the fact that underneath it all, a real person is swimming in it. Some people just express it more than others. It reminds me of the many times that I dress to evoke various stereotype personalities only to come to the conclusion that it doesn't change the way that I am, even though people see it otherwise. Because we're such complex creatures to begin with, it becomes easier to attach labels rather than to admit that we truly are loners in this world.

Now, amidst the throngs of people in London, I think I might have found an answer.
An individual simply lives.
No fuss, no hesitations, no reservations, no barriers, no questions asked.
Perhaps, I'm finally truly comfortable in my own skin.

Foamy blossoms

2007-03-16T23:36:00.000Z

I'm slightly miffed that I didn't manage to take pictures of the ethereal windows of Selfridges for better contrast of Harvey Nics' jubilant celebration of life and colours. So obviously Spring, the windows feature these life size floral shapes cut out from foam pieces. The foam pieces were bonded with (possibly) felt for that dual colour effect that works so well in giving the installation three-dimentionality as well as depth. Funky leaf-like jewel-coloured balloons ties in with the floral theme nicely as an interesting element of contrast. The only thing that I didn't like that much was the styling of the mannequins which looked slightly trashy next to all those playful alien plants. Perhaps I'm reading too much into a series of windows, but it just occured to me that this could be Harvey Nics answer to the Garden of Eden. Pics taken with my 2MP camera mobile and honestly, I wasn't even expecting great pictures, but this has convinced me otherwise. It's rather decent.

Spring in my step

2007-03-13T18:38:00.000Z

I've never quite like spring time as a student in Melbourne. I have no good reason to dislike it, though I would much prefer autumn any day. The thought of the receeding excesses of heat and sunlight combined with a slight cooling breeze seemed like the ideal climate to be walking amidst the hustle and bustle of the city. Spring, supposedly the blooming season, always felt more like an outbreak of hayfever and the mushrooming of annoying pharmaceutical ads with an abundance of unattractive swollen faces. To top it all off, apart from the (deadly) sunshine that its famous for, Australia's dry climate also meant uninspiring blossoms.

Meanwhile all the way in the northern part of the world, I can't begin to tell you how the first ray of brilliant sunshine after a long dreary spell of cold, gloomy weather changed my opinion of the season in question. On the way to work, there they were, trees, or rather naked branches with big pink and white flowers hanging precariously on the very tip, unshamedly announcing the arrival of spring. It was early this year too, which I also presume would see us drowning in the final blast of chilly winds before finally bidding winter goodbye for the year. London seemed to have come alive overnight, and everything seemed so much more beautiful in the sunlight, even the dullest of residential areas. I see flowers everywhere, hopefully soon enough some green foliage on the naked trees.

My daily bus ride to work doesn't seem so much of a snooze fest anymore. I heart London.

Wicked - Full Defying Gravity on Piano (I hope you're happy)

2007-03-08T01:03:00.001Z

This is just amazing! If I was anything like this on the piano, you'll sure be seeing a permanent smug on my face.

Defying Gravity

2007-03-07T23:10:00.000Z

This song gives me goosebumps every time I hear it. Perhaps by far the most positive song I've downloaded in ages considering I've been on a spell of depressing soul-searching tunes. In the past I've been moved by many beautifully written showtunes but very rarely one that spoke to me like this one. Definitely one of the best songs from Wicked, one that served its purpose as a cliffhanger for the end of 1st half of the show.

*********************

GLINDA
(spoken) Elphaba - why couldn't you have stayed calm for
once, instead of flying off the handle!
(sung) I hope you're happy!
I hope you're happy now
I hope you're happy how you
Hurt your cause forever
I hope you think you're clever!

ELPHABA
I hope you're happy
I hope you're happy, too
I hope you're proud how you
Would grovel in submission
To feed your own ambition

BOTH
So though I can't imagine how
I hope you're happy right now

GLINDA
(spoken) Elphie, listen to me. Just say you're sorry:
(sung) You can still be with the Wizard
What you've worked and waited for
You can have all you ever wanted:

ELPHABA
(spoken) I know:
(sung) But I don't want it -
No - I can't want it
Anymore:

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

GLINDA
Can't I make you understand?
You're having delusions of grandeur:

ELPHABA
I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down:
(spoken) Glinda - come with me. Think of what we could
do: together.

(sung) Unlimited
Together we're unlimited
Together we'll be the greatest team
There's ever been
Glinda -
Dreams, the way we planned 'em

GLINDA
If we work in tandem:

BOTH
There's no fight we cannot win
Just you and I
Defying gravity
With you and I
Defying gravity

ELPHABA
They'll never bring us down!
(spoken) Well? Are you coming?

GLINDA
I hope you're happy
Now that you're choosing this

ELPHABA
(spoken) You too
(sung) I hope it brings you bliss

BOTH
I really hope you get it
And you don't live to regret it
I hope you're happy in the end
I hope you're happy, my friend:

ELPHABASo if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity
I'm flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!

GLINDA
I hope you're happy!

CITIZENS OF OZ
Look at her, she's wicked!
Get her!

ELPHABA
:Bring me down!

CITIZENS OF OZ
No one mourns the wicked
So we've got to bring her

ELPHABA
Ahhh!

CITIZENS OF OZ
Down!

Recap

2007-03-03T23:11:00.000Z

February came and went. I honestly could not believe that we're now in our 3rd month of the year. Funny how Feb's the shortest month of the year and yet money goes so quickly like 'poof', into thin air. I suppose when you're obliged to spend, no matter how many days there are in a month, it's still going to make that painful departure from the wallet. Sigh, the tribulations of adulthood.

A quick recap of a very eventful month:

14th - Valentine's day
I can be a sap and post a long paragraph about what a fantastically, wonderfully, incredibly happy V day celebration I've had in years. But let's not bore anyone with details.....apart from a very pleasant surprise that came in the form of tickets to Wicked, the latest hit musical in West End based on The Wizard of Oz. It's a zany twist on the story of the witches, and most of all, very very clever, none of the stupidity as seen on We Will Rock You (despite bearing the stamp of Queen and Freddie Mercury), and on the side of it all, an uncanny reflection of contemporary society masked in the city of Oz. Brilliantly wicked. I honestly can't think of a better way to spend V day. =) Defying gravity.

18th - Chinese New Year
Little did I expect CNY to be such a huge affair in London. As one passerby loudly exclaimed into his mobile phone, there were alot more non-chinese joining in on the festivities than the chinese themselves. Feeling very insignificant and small in the crowd, it took me half an hour to get from Leicester Square to Trafalgar Square, only to see an Italian singing in Chinese. Bizarre multiculturalism me thinks, which can only be found in London.

speed dial no.2

2007-02-04T23:09:00.000Z

Two voices on the phone.

One as distant as the other.

Loneliness lurks in between.

******

Fourteen faces, four voices, one heated debate.

One scarred, Two stubborn, the other in between.

Silence all around.

Tension mounting in the air.

******

What is the point of connecting with other people when you're willingly subjecting yourself to vulnerability? What is the point of strength in numbers when the only number that seems to make any sense is one, not two, nor fourteen? What is the point of making an effort when nobody cares?

I don't think I've felt this alone for a while.

your friend the voyeur on friendster

2007-01-23T22:18:00.000Z

Curiosity gets the better of me. Or was it me just being plain nosy? Friendster has the ability of bringing out the voyeur in me as I sift through picture after picture of acquaintances from the various education establishments that I've been to, anonymously. On one hand it's nice to catch up on people's life without being involved in it. The majority of people that you meet in your earlier years fade away into the background and eventually into oblivion. Technology bridges that gap by bringing them close to you without the fuss of reunions gone wrong. And we all know how horrible reunions can be. On the other hand, I feel that I shouldn't be bothered with it. It's a popularity contest that extends beyond those competitive years in school. Why care about people who never bothered about you? Does adding each other on the list increase the possibility of renewed friendships, other than the exchange of formal plesantries, deemed on the border of civility, when in fact all one can think of is how far we've come along from those olive green and baby blue uniform days? It's a form of morbid fascination. I still cringe everytime I go on a spur of Friendster surfing. We might all be in our early twenties, mostly scattered around the world but some obviously Malaysian traits are there. From the hair, to the makeup, to the way people dress and pose, they had it off to the tee. I honestly don't know if it's good or bad. Down to earth perhaps? But to me it seems all too familiar. At the end of the day, are we just merely carbon copies of the society that brought us up? Neither nor, we're just like rojak, a mish mash of influences and cultures, trying to make sense of it all.

dress me up in pretty pretty colours...

2007-01-22T20:56:00.000Z

Grey is the new black.

I'm in love with this non-colour more than you think I am, considering that orange was once my daily wardrobe staple. I rejoice in a pool of striking colours and I still do, in a more subtle way. Last night, I've been contemplating the merits of having a dash of flouro pink to compliment my daily drab, new companions to my lime green shoes and scarf, but alas it's nowhere to be found, hence the desire to make something out of it. The question remains - Do I have what it takes to pull the outrageous and make it my own? For now, I'll just have to be content with my new bargain Gap scarf in neon yellow, grey and silver. It's unusual for Gap to be so striking for it stood out instantly in the sea of black, cream, beiges and brown, screaming out for some love and attention. Love and attention it did get in the end. It's my equivalent of a safety jacket. Spot me from a mile as I walk through Hyde Park in the dark.

Alas my accessories are the only things that are light and bright these days. London has bitten me in the head. My wardrobe drowns in grey and neutrals. I still detest black with a passion but have no way of escaping it because of work. It sucks the life out of me. While I like the fact that black is an all-forgiving and encompassing non-colour, it's just all too easy, lazy and too safe, and I mean this in a very pedestrian level. However, very little people wear it well. To wear black in all its entirety in various tones, textures and weight, is an artform unto its own. White on the other hand is unforgivingly fussy. While I like my whites, it's also a pain to keep it clean, especially when one is lugging boxes all around the shop floor everyday. It's a clean palette that goes with all sorts of shades, but it also accentuates all possible flaws.

Which, after much digression, brings me back to the neutral of all neutrals. It has all the qualities of black and white minus the fuss. Versatile but edgy all the same. I love how different shades of grey affects the general look of an outfit. And it works well even when you throw them all in together, the patches of visible tonal variants keeping the eyes busy.

I've said once and i'll say it again.
Grey is the new black.

And the walk in the rain makes me feel young again

2007-01-17T00:27:00.000Z

I know you'll groan ever so slightly as you scroll down this post for I've posted another song lyric, being the obsessed Muji music maniac as I am. But really, I felt compelled to put this here because the sheer boring genius of BDB has encapsulated all my errant emotional thoughts into one song. The trumpet tugs my heartstrings at all the right places. Clench. This is the perfect soundtrack to those countless walks in the rain, quintissential English weather. I never quite know what's going on in my head except for the fact that at that precise moment I just want to be detached. From the traffic on the street, from people, from work, from everything, from myself. I walk, in a slightly quickened pace, staring ahead with a vacant expression, wallowing in nothingness. Tears well up in my eyes threatening to roll down my cheeks, while the bone-chilling wind aggravates it even further. Eventually the tears slip, mingling with the raindrops on my face. In the end, it makes me wonder if it was the music, wind, rain, myself or a combination of all four elements. Does it really matter anymore?

*****************
Badly Drawn Boy - Long Way Round

Sit and wait for the day
Where your life might change
And that day never comes
This is rule number one
All the changes must come from you
Is the second rule
Take a long way round
See the sights, hear sounds
Where you'll go, nobody knows

Been this way
Since the day
I was born
Far away
And the walk
In the rain
Makes you feel
Young again

I assumed
You would be my strength
Oh, how wrong I was
That's the wrong way round
How you need me now
The carousel keeps turning still

This one cried, this one smiled
But we all felt alive
Like a walk in the rain
Made us feel young again
With the crowd singing "all right now"
As the rain came down
It's a long way home
But we're not alone
Life's carrousel keeps turning still

Life keeps turning around, and around
We keep learning from things we have found
Overground

What a fool
To believe
I could help
You to breathe
Getting caught
In the rain
Makes us feel
Young again

If you go
Take a long way round
You'll be lost then found
It's a long way home
But you're not alone
The carousel bring you back again

Winter comes
We don't have a choice
As we grow
We will find a voice
She looks over her shoulder
The swimming pool freezes over
We'll skate to the other side
Full of life
Still filled with pride

Laptop blues

2007-01-11T00:47:00.000Z

I'm in no mood for a long proper post tonight. The one that I wrote last night, huddled in the dark at the side of the bed, fumbling with the keyboard, was gone, gone and gone for good, thanks to a hardware problem with my wifi card. The infamous blue screen of death appeared. The only advice that windows could offer was to restart my computer. Perhaps it's time to have a cleanup. I haven't been exactly kind to my laptop lately, but I'm nowhere to abusing it like my heydays of university. Photoshop, Illustrator, internet and music all at the same time on 256MB ram and 30 MB of HD space. I can't ever imagine it doing it now without a hissy fit or two. That's what happens to old machines, they inevitably get replaced by a wave of new technology. Mercilessly efficient but only half the size. A techie's equivalent of stick thin fashion ideals perhaps. Still, despite the frustrations and discontent, I shall keep on chanting my mantra....

Embrace technology and technology will embrace you.

Orson - No Tomorrow

2007-01-03T00:27:00.000Z

I've been looping the song tonight and right now I'm still listening to it. I've got this urge to blast it out loud instead of listening to it on my headphones, jump up and down on the bed, and sing at the top of my lungs. Alas I'm too nice to do it considering it's midnight. Roomie's asleep, and I've gotta be considerate of the rest of the household. I miss going to gigs.

This song reminds me of teenflicks where the guy finally gets the girl in the end, preferably during an elaborate party/ prom night scene, where they would eventually kiss, embrace and dance (in that order), whilst the camera slowly zooms out to an aerial view of the couple amidst throngs of party people.

You've gotta applaud my imagination (not!) for I have watched too many films of this particular genre during my formative teenage years.

************

Let's go to a rave,
And behave like we're trippin'
Simply 'cause we're so in love.

Funny hats, shiny pants-
All we need for some romance,
Go get dolled-up
And I'll pick you up.

There's no line for you and me
'Cause tonight we're V.I.P.
(I know somebody at the door).

I see that twinkle in your eye,
You shake that ass and I just die,
Let's check our coats and move out to the floor.

When I'm dancing with you
Tomorrow doesn't matter.
Turn that music up
'Till the windows start to shatter
'Cause you're the only one who can get me on my feet.
And I can't even dance.

Just look at me, Silly Me,
I'm as happy as can be-
I got a girl who thinks I rock.
And tomorrow there's no school,
So lets go drink some more Red Bull,
And not get home 'till about 6:00.

When I'm dancing with you
Tomorrow doesn't matter.
Turn that music up
'Till the windows start to shatter
'Cause you're the only one who can get me on my feet.
And I can't even dance.

Everybody here is staring
At the outfit that you're wearing-
(I) Love it when they check you out.
Cover's only twenty bucks,
And even if the dj sucks
It's time to turn this mutha out!

When we're together
There's no tomorrow,
No Tomorrow.
When we're together
There's no one in the world
but you and me.
Just you and me.
You and me.

Alrighty, the inevitable new year post

2007-01-02T00:34:00.000Z

I leeched this off hoolikins on LJ just because a) I find it an easier way to blog about my year b) I'm lazy c) questionaires are fun.

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
going to the UK, living in the UK and working in the UK.
falling in love
dumped an ex via internet mobile
having a roommate
saw fireworks on the London Eye
living in backpackers' hostels with complete strangers

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I kept some though in all honesty I don't even remember any of them until a minute ago where I looked up my other blog for reference. I never usually care much for resolutions. I make them up as I progress in the year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No

5. What countries did you visit?
Australia, Malaysia, Singapore (on transit) and UK

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
A better job.

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Feb 7th - saying goodbye to Melbourne...finally an end of a chapter in my life.
May 10th - landing on British soil. A new beginning.
July 24th - My first day in Muji, the beginning of the 7 day work week as a 2 jobber, and meeting the eel.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Having my life up and running in London in the shortest amount of time possible.
Working 2 jobs.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Nearly burnt myself out from working too much.
Not getting anywhere close to a head office job.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I'm still suffering the after effects of the annoying common cold from mid November. All manner of things you can think of. I blame it on the change of weather.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The purple dress from projectbloodbros
And the handful of quirky earrings inspired by everyday objects
Audrey Hepburn boxset
Stringy the muji cat
Follie Follie watch with orange strap

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Sonia C for her neverending optimism and energy on the Mango shop floor.
The eel for being patient with me.
Yoshi and Lyn for being simply the sweetest people ever.
Chelsea for being the understanding big sis.
There's loads more but I think the most important one would have to be Mom and Dad supporting and encouraging my decision to fly off again to explore the other side of the world.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
This is an easy one. M the AM who's stepping on everyones' toes.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, food and transport. London is an expensive city to live in.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Flying home for the first time in 2 years.
And then flying off again to London after being home for 3 months.

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
Muji music!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier?
I'm not sure to be honest.
I was happy that university was finally over, but at the same time I had continuous problems with my timetable at work, in an unhealthy relationship, messy temp housemate, and also the fuss of packing up my life in Melbourne. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't the best. I was content with life.
One year on, I had none of the same problems but different ones. And it has been a good year for me in many aspects of my life. So I suppose I really am happier.

ii. thinner or fatter?
Thinner. I lost most weight from working 2 jobs over the summer in Melbourne and shrunk down to a size 6 despite my usual portions and unsatiable appetite for good food. It hasn't changed much ever since. I was appalled when only an American size 0 in Gap fits me. I'm not Nicole Ritchie. Ugh.

iii. richer or poorer?
Poor in London standards. Rich if I convert my monthly earnings into Ringgit. But I certainly do have more money of my own now. I like being financially independent.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Sightseeing and travelling.
More time on the phone with family and friends.
Personal projects

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
procrastinating and angsting over unnecessary matters.

20. How did you be spend Christmas?
Woke up and exchanged pressies with the eel. We watched lots of TV, made roast turkey, watched more TV, then ate Christmas dinner, had cheesecake and back to the TV again. All in all a very relaxing day. Went to bed early-ish as we both had to work on boxing day, which was very annoying.

22. Did you fall in love in 2006?
Yes.

23. How many one-night stands?
none. I don't intend to do it either.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Grey's Anatomy. I didn't like it as much as House MD when I first saw it, but then it grew on me as a drama with a medical backdrop, not as a medical drama.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
My ex is an ex for a reason. However hate is still a very strong word to use in this instance.

26. What was the best book you read?
Nabokov's Lolita.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Finding that anonymous Muji track online and being exposed to all these British indie (but not quite) bands.

28. What did you want and got?
Sensible boots.
Tumtum my soft toy dog took a long trip in the post along with my lovely flat shoes. That certainly cheered me up after a horrible day at work.

29. What did you want and not get?
More clothes and books and just things in general because I can't bear the thought of shipping home 30 boxes again this time round.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Pan's Labryinth.

31. What did you do on your birthday?
Warm and cosy affair with a few people in BRB over some drinks and pizza. See here!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More money.
and less self-doubt.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Lots of greys and neutral tones. some greens and navys. with a hint of purple, lilac and red.
Some days I think I can't pull off my bright orange top anymore considering it's been my colour for say the past 7 years or so.
There's plenty of layering of practical, simple pieces. My skinny Levi's remains a staple in my wardrobe and I've since added plenty more skinny-ish trousers to the ensemble.
I love a good cardigan and well-cut coats and jackets
It's not uber trendy or street, yet not quite indie or vintage. I suppose I'm in between.
I attribute the style transistion to growing up, working in retail, living in London and Melbourne and having that little bit more money to spend on clothes.

34. What kept you sane?
My iPod, phone and books, during those internetless days.
It used to be going to work in Muji where I was able to unwind alittle from the stressful weekend in Mango.
The eel and his passion for his craft.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
hmmmmm. James Blunt - until I saw that disappointing picture of him dating a model way taller than him.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I find the whole race issue against Muslims getting a bit old now but it's definitely one of those things that I would like to see in a more positive light in 2007.

37. Who did you miss?
Chiru, Hooli, pea and wwf. best girlfriends that a girl can ever have.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Hmmm. tough call. Natasha for being the loud English girl that she is, and the eel, for obvious reasons. *wink*

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006?
Money still doesn't buy you time and happiness.
And as cliche as this sounds, many hands make work light. sometimes you need the help of others to accomplish bigger tasks in life. I do truly appreciate the essence of teamwork now.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"And when I
Find the controls
I'll go where I like
I'll know where I want to be
But maybe for now
I'll stay right here
On a silent sea
On a silent sea"

from Silent Sea by KT Tunstall. I can't stop listening to this and on so many occasions as of late I do think it pretty much sums up how I feel at the moment, about my current state of affairs.
And then there's this:

" I've been down and
I'm wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around
With me
With me

It wastes time
And I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They're all free

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upperside of down
Been the inside of out
But we breathe
We breathe

I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean
Wanna take my time for me
All me

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home"

Maybe Tomorrow by Stereophonics. This song has been the soundtrack of my more melancholy moments in London and it makes me instantly better to know that perhaps I'm not the only one feeling the way that I'm feeling.

Late X'mas post, and I'll do a new year one soon...

2006-12-26T22:39:00.000Z

Christmas came and went. The days leading up to the big day was nothing but a fiasco led by panic shoppers laying their hands on everything and anything that are deemed acceptable presents for the people fortunate enough to be on their never-ending lists. Then there was the question of food. How much can you possibly stuff in your shopping trolley when your family's, friends' and guests' grumbling stomachs depend on that one single Christmas "mother-of-all-meals" that you make? And when it comes to the decorations and lights, it becomes an all out competition for the biggest and the brightest, a tackarama fest that is guaranteed to stop traffic in the most quiet of streets. Your local council and your friendly neighbour will love you for it. Maybe not. All I see is blatant commercialism shrouding over the holiday season. 'Tis the season to be excessive, tra lalala lalalala.

It's an experience nontheless. For the first time in my life, I spent Christmas the way it should be; not in the heat wave, where the sun burns my skin and sweat dripping down my forehead. Wintery X'mas alas, minus the snow. Only when it's celebrated in the right season can one truly appreciate the warmth that it brings - Snuggling up on the couch with a love one (fireplace optional) and a roast turkey in the oven, hidden away from the blistering cold, just for that one day. Bless central heating. Bless the roast. And bless the eel. =)

last (hopefully) work rant

2006-12-13T23:14:00.000Z

I feel that my recent posts have all been about work.
This one as well.
It's fast becoming a sad situation because clearly I'm not having a good time at work, and work is where I spend most of my time these days. I really don't want to look back on my entries many years later only to discover it being the only thing that mattered in my UK experience, when everything else just slips away, undocumented.
So, I'm just going to do this one last time, and let other parts of my life reign over this travel blog. Make that one of my new year's resolution.
I'm gonna be a happy blogger.

*********

Work has been hellish as of late. It's bad enough having to deal with pre-holiday stressed customers without having to feel the mounting tension in the store between staff and management team. Maybe we're just having a case of pre-holiday stress too, no? It's hard being at the bottom of the food chain. How long can one grin and bear it? Perhaps it's time to move on again? Irony, I thought I left Mango for greener pastures, but it just goes to show that sometimes money ain't worth the fuss. It just bites you back in the manner of store politics. One year on, I still haven't learnt. Sigh. It must be X'mas. Es muss sien*.

*reference to Unbearable Lightness of Being

Style

2006-12-01T23:49:00.000Z

Style is an issue that will always be controversial.

Trivial questions, for example:
Who looks better?
Who pulls a particular look off?
Are oversized bags still trendy?
Is Brown the new Black?

are indispensable when matters of style are concerned. Its intangibilities only serve to provoke a conversation between fashion insiders and observers, transcending over a vast landscape of social topics, that can sometimes appear irrelevant to the heart of the question.

For the past few days, I've been avidly reading a fashion blog which I've stumbled upon by chance, through one of those top blogs listings. It's packed with useful fashion bits and bobs in London, and of course, a place where the blogger showcased her many fashion findings and individual sense of style to the netizens of the world.

Then a thought hit me.

Style can be bought. It might be a personal thing, but it's not something that's unattainable with money. Given if we all had the bank account of a celebrity, we would all be stylish, perhaps to a certain degree. To be deemed exceptional, one would have to be born with some good taste. Afterall, 3 years of university did remind me that good fashion and good clothes and sometimes that groovy haircut, comes with a heavy price tag, regardless of labels, people, vintage or charity shops. It's all about investing alot of money into packaging yourself. Clothes maketh the man. We're such a vain bunch. The odds are that you might not have alot of clothes or even shop all the time, but you might've lashed out on that one particular purchase that made a difference to your wardrobe.

As for my ultimate style tip? Work hard, shop smart.

tv is good for you

2006-11-28T23:31:00.000Z

I had that odd spark of urge to blog about something, or rather nothing in particular just a few moments ago until I caught on it too late and now all is lost. So now I'm just going to write about the next best thing that clearly stands out in my mind.

It's odd that it had to be Gordon Ramsay, and that rah-rah English rich man with a mansion who refuses to clean properly. Go me for trying to intergrate into society with some bad British television. In all honesty, it's not too bad for an evening where I decided to plant myself in front of the tele instead of making a beeline for my laptop the moment I got home from work. It's a rare moment. Would I be making more time for the tv now? Perhaps, perhaps not. Especially not when Hollyoaks is on. I think those 3 years of bad reception killed off my need for the idiot box on a regular basis. Then again, when there's nothing but reality tv on, you're better off doing something more worth your while. It's a sad phenomenon all in the name of ratings. Ratings equals to business, and business means money, which brings us back to the universal fact: Money is the root of all things evil.

And fact, I can't wait for pay day to come.

Just one more day....

I love making things.

2006-11-22T21:36:00.000Z

There's nothing in the world that I rather do these days, well apart from reading lots and lots of books. To reflect on my year that's coming to an end very soon, I honestly haven't done anything substantial creatively apart from that semi-finished recycled t-shirt dress from April, a rather rough photoshop doodle, various quick sketches during my lazy moments at Muji, up until this month where I've decided to really push myself to start again. A year is a long hiatus. However, I suppose I was distracted by trying to set myself up to a financially stable position in London with my (then) 2 jobs. It took some empty pursuits and some dark moments to make me realise my true purpose of being in such a dynamic capital, more so, my chosen profession. What's the point of dedicating myself to fashion, art and design when I'm not even close to intergrating it into my way of life? I'm no hypocrite. And I don't intend to become one in the future. If there's a solid piece of advice and criticism from mom and dad that I truly truly am grateful for, that was all that was needed to set the wheels in motion. It changed my perspective.

Then there was that fateful moment where I met a young aspiring writer, who never stopped believing in his craft, who wanted to rise above all circumstances to become what he wants and deserves to be. Being around him reminds me of the person I used to be, many many years ago. I'd like to think that right now, with his moral support, his encouragement, or even just bouncing ideas with each other, I'm able to breakaway from this passionless rut that I've put myself into. His persistence and determination with his writing motivates me. It's not the same as being in an academic environment where the situation felt more competitive than it was inspiring. Being around creative types is always a stimulating experience.

Maybe this is what a rewarding partnership is like.
Maybe this is what they describe as a person that is good for your well being.
Whatever it is, let those creative juices flow, flow and flow.....

One of those beautifully melancholy songs

2006-11-22T21:33:00.000Z

Josh Rouse - Under Your Charms

Only half of the time do you tell me just what you want
Only half of the time do you tell me just what you want
Can I get some contact?
Can I get some contact from you?
Can I get some contact with what is real?

It's the end of the night and i'm feelin' sexual
It's the end of the night and i'm feelin' sexual
Can I get some love back?
Can I get some love back from you?
Can I get some love back that you conceal?

And now I've fallen under your charm
And now I fall into your arms
It's where I feel alright

In the blink of an eye do we do what's natural
Maybe once or twice do we do what's natural
Is it just a love task?
Is it too much to ask from you?
Is it just a love task or do you feel?

And I've fallen under your charm
And now I fall into your arms

And now I've fallen under your charm
And now I fall into your arms
Where I feel alright
It's where I'll stay tonight

Only half of the time do you tell me just what you want
Only half of the time do you tell me just what you want
Can I get some contact?
Can I get some contact from you?
Can I get some contact with what is real?

The big bang at the end

2006-11-21T20:34:00.000Z

I don't know if today's a bad day, though I do know that being ill has contributed to my irate manner which I suppose, at hindsight, wasn't one of my best days. Not personally, nor professionally.

The day ended with a big argument with the AM in front of the remaining staff members on the shop floor. No guessing who won. And no guessing whose side people were on. People fear retribution from voicing their minds. I've went and done the unspeakable. Do I regret what I said? Only partially. But most of all, I didn't care of his opinion of me, or the weight of his words. As far as I'm concerned, my goals and aspirations have taken a shift in a different direction. My future in the company is perhaps the least of my concerns now. There's a bigger picture in sight. So who cares what M's definition of respect is? The word is overrated. His ego doesn't need to be soothed all the time. That's a universally known fact.

In the past I've had superiors putting the weight on me, humiliating me in front of shoppers, staff members and alike, and it affected me in a big way, that was when I lost respect for these people. While I believe that authority is a necessity in small amounts, but when it starts loosing its true purpose, it becomes ugly. Only people lack of imagination resort to tactics as such to discipline or to reaffirm their superiority. Sad uneducated species like one ex-colleague used to say. One year on, I still haven't learn to keep my mouth shut at appropriate times, though I now know better how to handle the situation. That's an improvement I'd say.

Vent one's spleen and move on with life. As long as I do my job the way it should be, that's all that matters.

More lyrics!!

2006-11-20T20:19:00.000Z

Bic Runga (again!) - That's Alright

It brings you down
It gets the better of you
She's not around
And yet it stays with you
Nobody told you it was a waste of time

You're heading home
Through all the streets you know
You're on your won
Don't wanna be alone
Nobody holds you tonight

That's alright
That's alright just
Take your time to find what it is you're looking for
That's alright
That's alright just
Hold it out a little more
You'll know when you start to fall

And though you say that it's OK with you
Although today has run away from you
I won't believe you tonight

That's alright
That's alright just
Take your time to find what it is you're looking for
That's alright
That's alright just
Hold it out a little more
Nothing matters more when you're in love, no
You're not in love, no
Not in love
You're not in love, no
You're not in love, no
Not in love
You're not in love
Not in love
You're not in love

KT Tunstall - Silent Sea

I was happy in my harbour
When you cut me loose
Floating on an ocean
And confused
Winds are whipping waves up
Like sky scrapers
And the harder they hit me
The less I seem to bruise

And when I
Find the controls
I'll go where I like
I'll know where I want to be
But maybe for now
I'll stay right here
On a silent sea
On a silent sea

Beautiful morning

2006-11-16T11:08:00.000Z

Ugh verbal hungover.
Still, I like talking on the phone til wee hours of the night. :) especially with that special someone.
I have to be at work in 50 minutes time but right now, I seem to have lost my sense of urgency and watch Time slowly ebb away.
Rainy mornings are just so good for a lie in. The tree outside my window have lost its summer glory, now looking desolately beautiful with droplets of rain clinging for dear life on its twigs.
I love rain.
I love the cold weather.
I love London.

The perfect days

2006-11-04T22:20:00.000Z

It was the days off from heaven, of perfection, of pure bliss, of simple joys, and of sincere happiness. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun. Relaxation is a foreign concept, one I think I can get used to, without getting too complacent. One year on from uni and I'm still trying to strike a balance between work and play, fun and serious, and I believe that it's an aspect of my life that will continually grow and evolve over time, just like this new John Mayer record that I'm listening to right now. I like the thought of evolving into a better person. Continuum is what's life all about. Times like these motivate me. I like being in a positive, creative mood.

Friday was spent lazing in bed til midday for a day of wedding gift shopping with the eel. It was harder than I thought it would be. I kept on spotting things that I want for myself only to have the eel drag me back into the task at hand. I believe that a bf is good for this purpose. Otherwise how does one cope with being in Harvey Nics and not getting lost in this trajectory of need, which on its ever extending list includes a classic Longchamp carryall?

Saturday rolled around eventually with a 6am start. I didn't expect to assume the roll of the witness, which also meant that I was the maid of honour. The affair was a cosy one with cool black female registrars performing the ceremony. Before I knew it, big fat happy tears started to roll down my cheeks. It was an unexpected reaction. The vows, despite being the standard legal ones, seemed oddly beautiful and meaningful. Perhaps it's just the Libran in me but it reaffirms this belief of finding the one person that's meant for me. Marriage is definitely not something that I want to rush into until I'm really sure that I've met 'him'. A commitment of such scale seems intimidating somehow. Then again, it doesn't make me think less of weddings. So much joy and so much food. What's not to like?

Here's a toast to the newly weds, the lovely company of the slippery one and many more special days off to come. I couldn't have asked for more. =)

Sway - Bic Runga

2006-11-01T21:07:00.000Z

Ironically, my song of the moment has officially become part of muji music. I think the people who's looking through CCTV get a kick out of seeing me singing unshamedly on the shop floor in front of amused customers.

Don't stray, don't ever go away
I should be much too smart for this
You know it gets the better of me
Sometimes, when you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you, pull me out in time
Don't let me drown, let me down
I say it's all because of you
And here I go, losing my control
I'm practicing your name so I can say it to your face
It doesn't seem right, to look you in the eye
Let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth
Indeed it's time to tell you why
I say it's infinitely true

Chorus
Say you'll stay, don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way, yeah I need to know
All about you

And there's no cure, and no way to be sure
Why everything's turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired - I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now it all turns sour
Come sweeten every afternoon

Chorus

It's all because of you
It's all because of you

Now it all turns sour, come sweeten every afternoon
It's time to tell you why, I say it's infinitely true

Chorus

It's all because of you
It's all because of you
It's all because of you

In the Grand Scheme of Things

2006-11-01T20:13:00.000Z

The lightbulb in my head just lit up. It's a dawn of a new realisation, a reaction towards this evening's little slip up, which I now choose to believe as a sign from the big cosmos, in light of my recent career crisis. Counting my blessings I am. So play it smart I shall despite the big flaw of the till system that Muji uses.

I was reminded of the fact that our store is under plenty of scruntiny at the moment. Now that I'm in the good books of the big managers in head office, I sure don't want to screw it up by being a smart arse. Again, it confirms my need to be more patient in the grand scheme of things. Abide the rules, and hopefully be rewarded in return. I shall not abuse this trust given to me.

On my way home another thought hit me. Since I'm not being paid to go beyond my boundaries as a sales assistant, I shall leave the task to a more senior personnel. Why bother? I want responsibility, but on the other hand, I don't want to overstep the line into another person's territory. I suppose I have finally come to my senses that it's not worth the fuss and the stress unless I'm in the position to do so. I know my priorities now.

My life is me. The world is my oyster.

morning post

2006-10-22T10:51:00.000+01:00

I was flipping through my journal just now and came across my last entry, which was around 2 months ago when I was internet-less:

Almost 3 months in my new environment.
8 months after graduation
2 months in Mango
Numbers define my being in London
My achievements are equated to numbers that represent time and the continuum of space.
Time is the essence of being
What is time + What is space?
How do you define intelligence based on the number of years you've been to school, live, work and play?
Does it all add up?
Or does intelligence + personality weights up to the amount of books you read in your lifetime?
Where does one start measuring?
Do you measure it based on the amount, which is the number of proposed actions you've repeatedly performed over a set limited period?

While we're on me pondering on my life here in London and the whole purpose of it all, here's another related food for thought, an excerpt from Milan Kundera's Unbearable Lightness of Being, that I jot down in my journal in regards the irony of going to university:

Culture is perishing in overproduction, in an avalanche of words, in the madness of quantity. That's why one banned book in your former country means infinitely more than the billions of words spewed out by our universities.

So the point of going university? It's so that we're literate enough to understand and to produce the junk that I'm watching on the tele right now. Romantic statement of the year (sarcasm intended):

(Justin half screaming and sobbing)
"I just buried my sisters! I want to be there for you when you die!"

Til death do us apart indeed.
With that, I'll end my morning post and go make some egg tarts.

2006-10-20T20:36:00.000+01:00

"Be positive".
"Be patient".
These are perhaps the 2 most frequently given advice to me lately.
While I would admit that I'm not a model for patience, what with wanting to accomplish as much as possible here in the UK with the time that I have, I don't really feel that I'm not a positive person. If being positive means putting on my usual chirpy, happy face when I'm slowly dying inside, then am I not lying to myself? Let me wallow in my sorrow while I heal and sort things out. The weather's not always bright and sunny, so stop telling me to be positive. I know what I am doing and my mind is functioning perfectly well. I just need time to reassess my options that's all. I know it's all kindness, but just lay off with the generic advice will ya and lend me a listening ear instead. I need compassion, not a plan. I'm making an effort to be happy, can't you see?

Broken

2006-10-19T22:46:00.000+01:00

At times I wonder why I'm here. Chasing a dream? or Escaping from the life that I know all too well? The harder I try, the harder I fall flat on my face. Frankly, it hurts. And god knows how many times my fragile ego had been damaged. I might have a reputation for being a strong character but for once, I just want to be this weak woman that had life the easy way out....what's the point of working so hard when all events conspire against me? No family, no connections, no money for further study, not white, not brit, no time and no right visa. I have very little for a little person rich with experiences . Where is that someone (or company)that would appreciate what I've got to offer? I feel like the third wheel in the job market. Surely I'd be better off at the comforts of home?

Lots of self doubt right now. I know I'm not the best when it comes to dealing with failure and rejection. I'm coping. I can always pack up and leave but I don't wanna go home just yet. I have this nagging feeling at the back of my mind to prove my worth, and that's not achieved yet. I do sincerely want to enjoy my stay here, it's just that when you've got all these pressures to succeed egging on your back it's hard to have fun. And I do want to have fun. I'm 22, I AM suppose to have fun.

Bad luck, bad day. Somebody save me please?

More muji music

2006-10-19T22:41:00.000+01:00

Phoenix - Love for Granted

These days are gone
Loud enough to hold on
I think about the time we wasted
I think about the years to come
It's getting late and I can't call
It's getting late to face it all
I think about the time we wasted
My loneliness has slowly grown
I told you not to cross the line
& leave me with your love for granted
The letters from your broken heart
I think I might have lost them somewhere

Don't tell me 'bout your lies
Don't tell me 'bout your secrets

My love is easy
You are everything I need
Now your love is gone
I want it safe & guaranteed
Life is such a fine line
Looking at the bright line
I think about the time we wasted
For someday I'll be coming too
Tonight is dying on its own
& now I got your love for granted
It doesn't matter right or wrong
As long as you are hiding somewhere

Don't tell me 'bout your lies
Don't tell me 'bout your secrets

Even though we've said it all
I would never let us fall with you
Hang on to a little chance, you bet I'm in
If it is for better
I would never miss the call, it's true
Hang on to a little chance, you bet I'm in

Bic Runga - A Day Like Today

There's nothing like a cool autumn breeze
Sending the past up with the leaves
Watching all the clothes on the line
In a sidestepping dance
With the neighbouring trees

Lala lala-la
Lala lala-la
Lala lala-la

There's nothing like an echoing hole
A headrush of sky
A knock at the door
A message on your voicemail tonight
The answering-machine taking the calls

It's an honest mistake
Falling in love
At any given time
We could get carried away
It could've happen to anyone

On a day like today
A Day like today
On a day like today
Day like today

Day like today
On a day like today
A day like today

There's nothing like a cool autumn breeze
Sending the past up with the leaves
Watching all the clothes on the line
In a sidestepping dance
With the neighbouring trees

It's an honest mistake
Falling in love
At any given time
We could get carried away
It could've happen to anyone

On a day like today
A Day like today
On a day like today
Day like today

Day like today
On a day like today

Work rant

2006-10-18T19:58:00.000+01:00

Please bear with me while I vent my frustrations about work.
And prior to that,

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, JOHN MAYER TICKETS ARE SOLD OUT!!!!!!! =((( grrrr.sigh.

Ok. I know I complain alot. It's a fact. I used to hop into the car after school and started telling my poor dad about every single thing that happened to me in school - Which teachers that I liked, which I don't and why, who annoyed me in class, what I learnt and what I enjoyed most. It's a habit, it's a good release and also the easiest way of letting people know about my feelings about a matter.

So what happened at work then? It was a supervisor whom I shall refer to as B.

B is by far the worst person that I've worked with to date. Not only do I not get along with her, she was also impossible to work with. In the past, I've only ever had problems with one or the other. It started with her snubbing at my attempt of some work related conversation, when 5 minutes ago she was in an animated chat with my good looking colleague H. That wasn't very nice at all. Then off B goes, taking forever to locate the right products for the labels, like a little lost lamb when she's been helping with merchandise and bays the day before. She didn't know what was in the store when it's just right in front of her. I despise slow and inefficient workers that lack common sense and urgency. I ended up sorting out all the labels for her and telling her what to do. In return, she gets annoyed at my efforts of making things easier for both of us. Who's the supervisor now?? After one week, she's still the same. The only consoling thought is that she's temporary. If there's anything, she's a dumb blonde through and through, and she's the first one of all the blondes that I know. Isn't it a shame that in this day and age, there are people who despite all civilisation and technological advances, still fits into a derogatory stereotype?

End of rant. I shall go to work tomorrow with a big smile on my face.

home sweet home

2006-10-09T23:23:00.001+01:00

I used to dislike group projects. My competitive edge has always meant that nothing should come in my way to achieve academic excellence. There will always be some bad apples in a group that will unintentionally hamper your plans because of different levels and abilities, or simply because they couldn't care less. Regardless of any reason, they are the sort of people who expect others to pick up their sordid mess, carry the resposibility and to a certain extent, to be their shepherd while they run around grazing grass languidly like sheeps do. And then you wonder: who's the boss? The shepherd or the sheeps? Does taking responsibility means having to endure stress? Surely there are many other things in life that induce stress, mentally and physically. I see responsibility as one of those things that's included in life's large package. It's not an age thing. It is just as it is. Like it or not, it's here to stay. That was my biggest problem working in the High Street Kensington store. Teamwork has always been a challenge, and I've never thought much of myself as a team player despite selling it shamelessly on my CV. Nowadays, I hold a better opinion of my capabilities.

Ever since I've started working in London, I've developed an appreciation and understanding towards the dynamics of a team. Perhaps the people that I work with now are more mature or maybe it's just the environment that I'm in on a daily basis, strength does come in numbers. Being a team means more than getting along with a personality, it is a mutual understanding of the task and priorities at hand. It never cease to amaze me how a group of people can set the wheels in motion, especially in big companies.

After a long horrible month at HSK, I am ecstatic to be back at Kings Road. The wait is worth the half million that they spent on the store because it looks absolutely fabulous!! Change is a good thing. A makeover even more so. I much prefer clean wide spaces. It's nice to go back to have that sense of trust and belonging with my colleagues. Since work is an obscenity that is inseparable from my current state of affairs, it is imperative to work with the right team of people. HSK is a lesson well learnt. Time to move on.

vingt deux

2006-10-07T23:49:00.000+01:00

Birthday pictures are finally here!
My first London birthday and hopefully many more to come.... =)
A bit of a last minute affair as I couldn't decide where to go, but it turned out good in the end, just the right mix and amount of people, all connected to me in a different way. A table of 6 nationalities. Now that's what I call diversity.

The place: Bar Room Bar in Chinatown. A hip white joint in the middle of yellow central, the combination itself is unusual. Packed with Westerners and almost devoid of Orientals. It's the place that you'll miss if you're after a Chinese meal.
The perk: 2 for 1 pizzas on Tuesday. Lucky me. ^_^v

The crispy duck pizza that most would agree is an acquired taste and the all too bland Fajita chicken pizza. The first 2 that we had was a lot more better.

Lee performing the pizza ritual.

Chelsea and Lawrence. Soon to be wed in November.
My Korean roomie/ Mango colleague and Victor, the Chinese go-getter.

Presents!!
Gorgeous Mango cardigan from Yunjo

Necklace and Swiss chocolate from Victor

Lovely handmade card and cross stitch kit from Chia Mein

Last but not least, spoilt by lee with 3 pressies! A versatile black necklace, a pair of funky blue shoes (with the wrong size) and my favourite of all gifts, a Jackson Pollock book that I've been eyeing in the bookstore. Bless. =D

... and a card laden with sweetness <3

Happy birthday to me. Being 22 is a nice place to be.

when procrastinating, blog

2006-10-05T19:03:00.000+01:00

My stomach is a grumbling mess from all the nice Korean food smells wafting in the air of our cosy apartment. Instead of eating, I'm here all cosied up in my bed thinking of a brilliant way to write my cover letter. I've decided to do the unthinkable by sending off my CV personally to the head office before heading off to work. As usual I'm strapped for time. Time management I admit is something that I need to continually work on.

It has been an unusually bad day today, considering I'm still in post birthday high, and technically it's still my birthday week. The sky is gloomy which I didn't mind because I happened to dress the part today, and partly due to my fondness for miserable weather. Autumn's officially here, carving the path for the icy cold winter that I await with eager anticipation. In retail terms, we're heading into the Christmas season, which brings to mind, my very first proper wintery Christmas. Australia's been nice, but I just couldn't imagine myself in the 40 degree celcius heat wave again. In all honesty, that chapter of my life has ended, not to be seen again.

Joy oh joy, I've just looked through my CV again and it's been almost a year since I've left uni, and on top of that, a year spent in retail. 22. Gah. I don't know what to feel honestly. Still I am here in my little London bubble, hoping to stumble across a gold mine. I'm crossing my tiny little fingers really hard, can't you see?? Someone has surely got to see all my efforts....

Here's how much of a workaholic I am....

2006-09-26T22:09:00.000+01:00

It all started yesterday evening when I embarked on a mission to track down some songs played in Muji (not Mango because thumping beats are only good for that post lunch boost). They say that you should keep your worklife seperate from your personal life. But what if you're a person like me who actually spends a good deal of time at work (54 days of continuous work anyone?), lives with a girl who works in the same company, seeing a guy who works in the same store, and goes out to dinner with people from work? The line between work and play becomes blurry. Eventually they merge together and my life no longer exists in 2 separate entities, each pertaining different values. It becomes a hybrid of sorts, the one big bubble that sums up my current place in the world. I actually like it this way, despite the inevitable work connection. At the end of the day, jobs change, people move on, circumstances evolve but personalities and that odd happy tune remain constant, the only things that make the experience for what it's worth.

So here it is, one of the many obscure Muji music that I hum mindlessly along at work, after a laborious search on Google. If only I could get hold of the playlist, my life would be alot more easier. For now, this will do.

Daniel - Lior

Step into a doorway in my mind
This is where you live
It's where you live
I forgot the things that I could find
I have not been in here for years

Hi-igh, hi-igh igh igh ohh ooo High-igh
(This is the naff bit that I like to sing along with. It sounds like a cross between a cow and Heidi and reads funny. V.v.v.good )

I climbed the stairs that hide beneath the vines
I walked through the year over-growth of time
Up to where we sat in clouds of smoke
Up to where we swam in pools of hope

Hi-igh, hi-igh igh igh ohh ooo High-igh
Hi-igh igh igh ohh ooo high-igh hi-igh igh igh ohh ooo high igh igh

And all the while im looking for your half smile or something that will show me that you are still around
And all the while im looking for you half smile or something that will show me that ooooh that you still know me
yeah you still know me

Futher on the pavement starts to crack
This is where we fell, it's where we fell
where smoke turns to haze
i hesitate, and i choose to lead the way came

hi-igh igh igh ohh ooo hi-igh

Outside its overcast and visions hard to find
But the memories will be my guide
Cause even though I know our skins have changed
The colours that we share will still remain
Hi-igh igh igh ohh ooo

And all the while im looking for your half smile or something that will show me that you are still around
And all the while im looking for you half smile or something that will show me that ooooh that you still know me
yeah you still know me

Step into a doorway in my mind
This is where you live Daniel

The workaholic is back again

2006-07-27T22:43:00.000+01:00

Maybe I'm born this way.
I'm meant to be slaving away at whatever I'm suppose to do from day one - work, study and whatever life throws my way.
It's something to be joyous about really.
I got my second job in less than a week. The process itself says alot about how timing and luck is important when you live in a competitive place like London. It's been four days now, and I'm loving it every minute. Perhaps it's the novelty of being in a new environment, a total opposite from working in London's and the world's biggest Mango store. This time I'm heading eastbound towards the working methods of Japanese giants Muji. Incredible luck, no?? I'm relishing in the fact that I'm dealing with a more diversify environment, in terms of job scope, career prospect and products. The best part is that it's a full time job. Downside, I'm now officially working 7 days a week, back into the hey days of my mad aussie summer. At least now I know I am financially stable. That is all that matters.

also, one can't complain when the shop is in London's posh Chelsea area. ;)

Cosy in the Rocket (10th July 2006)

2006-07-17T15:35:00.000+01:00

I never really understood what it meant. For all I know, it’s a catchy, twinkly tune made famous as the opening theme to Grey’s Anatomy, by a band that is relatively unknown with a name that you’ll think twice before saying it. (Psapp anyone?) But as the words “nobody knows where they might end up” were belted out, and then more about flying into a home and collapse in the rocket in due time, there it was, life’s uncertainty encapsulated into a four minute and a half song - exactly my current state of mind.

I wouldn’t have imagined last year that I’ll be curling up in bed with my laptop in a flat in the East end typing this, reflecting on the many thoughts and decisions that courses through my brain everyday. For what I am today, I am extremely grateful. Officially two months in my new environment and I’m doing well. I won’t use great or fantastic because my situation really isn’t all peaches and roses, but I’m getting by alright. I have a roof over the top of my head, I turned permanent in Mango just last week and my social circle is growing. It’ll be selfish of me to ask for more.

The thing is, I do want more. I want a second job.

Since I’ve finally got some free time on my hands, I’m back on job hunting full time. While I still think it was a stroke of luck with Mango (3 weeks into the country and I hit the ground running), I hope this time I’ll stand a better chance with a new CV and some UK experience despite many circumstances point to the other end. Hopeful? Definitely. Idealistic? A little. Realistic? With good measure. I wish I’m made of rocks. I really do.

While I’m left with my own agony in terms of decision making, some part of me craves for the mundane stability offered by the comfort zone of being at home. At times, I wish there is a manual that details all the paths that leads to a comfortable and successful life, money back guaranteed without any complications. This would probably be the schemes to end all schemes. No poverty, no hunger, no war. Only, it’s the stuff that dreams are made of. All fluff and zero concrete.

This is where my idealistic side comes in. I might realize that life has its ups and downs all the time, far more emotional than London’s weather, it doesn’t dampen my spirits of wanting a better future. If my past 4 years in Melbourne says anything, it is a testament that dreams can turn into reality. I’ve gone and gotten myself a fashion degree like I’ve always wanted, and ended up in London just as I hoped for, now the matter at hand is to pull myself together again for a new strategy to reach my goals. I still don’t know how I’ll do it, but I know I’ll reach the finishing line eventually, like I always do.

Aye Aye Capt'n

2006-06-21T15:30:00.000+01:00

I'm feeling woozy around the edges now. Sea sick? I hope not.
If you're wondering if this is a post dedicated to me being on the sea on a cruise ship, off to some exotic island getaway from the luscious yellow fruit, you aren't that far off. I AM on a ship.

I'm on a steamship to be precise.

In true blue Lune fashion, I tend to volunteer my time and efforts alot. Not because I'm that much of a charitable soul, simply the fact that I find it the easiest way to build my CV, gain new skills and meet new people without having to wait and beg. Put my time to good use while I wait for a permanent job to roll by. Volunteer jobs are extremely flexible in that manner. Right now, I'm learning about the arts administration business because I see a big void in my CV for admin skills.

Now back to the steamship.

She's called Robin, the old SS moored on the dock in Canary Wharf. She doesn't sail anymore because she's 116 years old, the last of her kind. These days the only action Robin gets up to is bobbling on water. Inside Robin is a photography gallery, cafe/bar, a mini bookstore (We call it bookstore because it just makes a table of books sounds much more dignified.) and a gift cabinet filled with my favourite Lomo cameras. Sometimes, this enchanting space is used as a workshop for the local schools, where students are introduced to the wonderful world of photography. And it's not hard to get inspired when you are in a place like this. Down here it's all bright and lots of natural sunlight filtering through the partial glass roof. It's only my first day here, but I feel at home at the water already....absolutely relaxing.

Read more about the project at www.ssrobin.com

woe is my aching feet

2006-06-19T11:49:00.000+01:00

Let me tell you about my very exciting job at Mango's London flagship store. Millions of girls would have died and gone to heaven knowing that I work for them for the shallowest reasons of all. To be completely frank with you, I'm not a big fan of Mango, though my impression of it have certainly improved over time. I'm more of a Zara girl. shhhhh.

The first day of sale was MADNESS. Throes and throes of people piling into the store, grabbing clothes like there is no tomorrow, like it's the last sales on earth. Well, I guess I can't blame them for wanting to take advantage of 10 pounds pants, 15 pounds dresses and 3 pounds tops, keeping in mind that this is Mango we're talking about. Then again, I can get bargains like that everyday at Sweedish giants H&M where I bought a trench coat marked for 15 pounds and a proper office skirt for 5.

In a place like Oxford Street, everything sells itself.
Customer service? Never heard of that in my life, well not during sales time where finders are keepers and losers are weepers.
No size? Sorry ma'am, I'm afraid that all stock is out on the floor.
Different colours? Particular style? Sorry ma'am, if you don't see it, we might've sold out of it.
And no, you're not allowed to snoop at the mountains of clothes we have stashed and trying to fold and distribute, thanks to you shopping-mad lot, in the fitting room.
Oh, and didn't I tell you that you can only have 5 garments in the FR at one time? No, 6 or 7 or 8 or 10 won't do. You'll just have to stash it at this rail we have prepared for you and come claim it later.
No, we are not responsible for it if someone takes your clothes away, EVEN if you want to buy it.
And yes, we don't well bloody care if you've spent forever trying to find the right size.
And no, your friend is not allowed to go into the FR with you. Whether or not you need her opinion and regardless of you being yonks older than us. We assume the worst of people eg. stealing
Yes, you need to take the number tag.
Of course, you need to return it back to us. We don't want you to risk getting beeped when you walk out of our doors.
Yes ma'am, we can't bend the rules. We bend it for one, it'll be never ending. There won't be any room left to breathe in our vast FR.
And no, you can't see the manager to look for a job on the first day of summer sales. You obviously have no common sense.
No again, if you want to see the manager. Which manager? we have 3 managers in the store and 6 supervisors and a gazillion of army staff every floor. Who knows where the manager is on the shop floor?
And yes, because of you we spend 2-3 hours just to tidy up long after our doors are closed.
Need you pee in your pants just so you won't lose your place in the queue or worst still, lose your arm load of clothes?

Can't you see I'm having the time of my life here trying to attempt politically correct Oxford CIRCUS? My poor poor feet. Shopping brings out the worst of the female kind.

Jumping hoops

2006-06-02T20:55:00.001+01:00

My second week in Bristol and I feel that everything is going swimmingly well. The little city is starting to grow on me bit by bit, though I would admit that I haven't done much exploring lately, or the fact that I rarely bring my camera out these days. I kept forgetting it. I was listening to John Mayer's 3X5 the other day on my bus ride home from London, and it felt every bit that way. No more 3 by 5s, looking at the world through both my eyes, indeed.

I've been up to London yesterday and the day before that to attend interviews. It was best to say that all was very unexpected, then again, what is within my expectations these days? My interview on Wednesday was with John Lewis, this ancient department store right in the middle of Oxford Street for the most incredibly dull and pointless job one could ever imagine to do. Funnily enough, it's a position that's well paid, compared to most retail assistants positions. I guess for the price they pay, it is only natural that one jumps through hoops for it. We had to go through a group assessment, where we were made to do all these ice breaker activities, discussions, presentations and then an individual interview, ending with a shop floor task, doing the job that they'll be hiring you to do. The whole procession lasted for about 2 and half hours. I think they pick 13 people from each group of people (there's 25 of us that day) for each floor. Unfortunately, as my mailbox indicated today, I didn't make the cut. It's all fine because I've got better news earlier in the afternoon. *grins* I got offered by Mango instead. Right after my interview with John Lewis, I got a call back from Mango for a second interview the next day. It was kinda silly because I didn't even think to stay the night in London. I had to travel down to London again the next morning. I suppose one has to do things like that for jobs. I really thought that I won't stand a chance due to the large crowd that went to the recruitment open day. It was also a fairly brief encounter where you spend like a few minutes answering some quick questions.

Nevertheless, all is done for now. I'm just happy that I'll have an income starting next week. Not what one would imagine to be a dream graduate job, at least it's a start in this big big city of opportunities. It's very exciting to move back up to London again, but I'll definitely miss my new friends here in Bristol.

What's in store next? hopefully it just gets better from here.

Bristol and the impending interview

2006-05-24T10:47:00.000+01:00

I'm approximately 45 minutes from attending my first interview at MNG. If things could get better from here, I wouldn't have minded a retail job. It's quite a tiring business trying to build new experiences in a new environment. Hopefully, by the end of a year or two,. I'll earn enough to go back to uni again. Perhaps my road will be easier from there? I just don't know. Having no connections sucks sometimes. I want to be lucky.

I woke up at 5 today just to catch a 6.20am bus from Bristol down to London. That's a journey of around 2 and a half hours. I slept all the way. I guess I'm just a little nervous about today's interview. I really want something to happen, after being booted out on Saturday. Mr L decided that he had enough of me, and that it just seems impossible that I haven't found a job after being in London for 10 days! I really don't know what to say to this. Perhaps, I've really let him down. Or, one could say that he's a man from another era, where retail application forms are simple and contracts offered in a snap.

So after making really quick arrangements over the phone, I booked a bus ticket and jumpship to Bristol, where there are people who are willing to take me in at such a short notice. I'm really happy to have met Christina and Ai Ing. Nothing compares to hanging out with your peers. I guess that was what I felt I missed most about living in my own apartment. In return for their kindness, I'm gonna help them with their final project essays and cook for them.

What's Bristol like, if you're wondering. I haven't had the chance to take any pictures for now. I'm starting to warm up to it. It feels at parts like Brisbane or Melbourne. Small and contained. There's markets that are far more interesting than Notting Hill's Portabello, and abundance of individual sandwich and coffee eateries, untapped by Starbucks or Pret chains. The shops are more eclectic, and people do dress differently in a way. The buildings are mostly dingy-old, instead of London's grand-old. I suppose bottomline, you could say that it's another world.

Alrighty, gotta go now. I meant this as a short post, but here I go babble on and on again. Wish me luck for the interview. xoxo

Bad day

2006-05-18T13:57:00.000+01:00

Job rejections to date: 4.
The most recent one being Harrods. Sigh sigh.
One summer temp job down. Let's see how the others go. There's so many department stores here, please let there be one. The last thing I need is my host egging me constantly if I've got a job yet. It's only my first week here. Cut me some slack will ya. I know he wants me to leave as soon as I get a job. I don't blame the man, he's been kind enough to me.

I was hit with a realisation that my one year is very precious. Any old job counts towards my one year working period. I can work on temp jobs, have a good time and travel around, doing nothing related to my field; or I can look very hard for perm jobs for my first month here, and fully utilise that one year to really learn something about the fashion industry. I don't want to settle for less when I'm barely 2 weeks here. I don't want to admit defeat just yet, and succumb to pressure from someone I barely know.

I'm not having a jolly good time now, though I try to stay positive every day. Bus rides are all I have these days when it comes to sight seeing. And even so, I peer out the window looking for job vacancies. And bless the London weather for feeling the way I do.

Photos at Flickr

2006-05-15T19:43:00.000+01:00

Oh yeah, I've added the Flickr tag at the sidebar. That should lead you to my photos. Very touristy things. But fun nonetheless. Credit goes to Adele who brought me around those places and took all the piccies for me. She's the very tall pole that I lean on these days and I'm grateful that she's here with me. =)

And here's some pictures!

Harrods!

Kensington High Street

Selfridges' Window

Yes! I am alive!

2006-05-15T18:36:00.000+01:00

Hi all!

Thank you so much for the concerned emails and well wishes! I arrived London in one piece, slightly tired and very very excited. I hopped on a cab because I couldn't lug all of my luggage down the tube and up again. Mind you, I was carrying a huge backpacker's backpack and a smaller one for my laptop and then the piece de la resistance, my wheely suitcase, which had a leg that didn't last the 14 hour journey, hence slightly wobbly to stand. Customs were very friendly and I feel blessed for that.

I could've gone straight to the bed and sleep my morning away, but I didn't. Mr Liong (my host) was kind enough to show me around the neighbourhood. I don't think he had much sleep since I got to his doorstep at an ungodly 7am (or earlier than that). We walked all the way to Kensington high street, I learnt how to catch the bus and also the ticket that I'm suppose to get, and then we rode all the way to Picadilly Circus. After we got my sim card, we walked around Chinatown before heading down to Oxford Street. Nothing could ever prepare me for the shopping mecca that is Oxford Street. It's lined with a gazillion shops and everyone's favourite high street chains, there's are endless streams of people and an uncountable number of red buses on this busy street. Topshop is a 3 storey mini clothes supermarket on its own, with rivals H&M just across the street, all of them equally impressive and large on its own. To be frank, shopping has never been so tiring and stressful before. And then there's Selfridges, London's favourite department store on Oxford. It has to be my favourite out of the many department stores in London. It's fun, colourful and funky but posh at the same time. Retail therapy at its best I would say. I've put in my job application there today, so hopefully I'll get to work there during the summer sales. Wish me luck!

Right now, I'm focusing on getting jobs and long term accomodation sorted out. It's been a little stressful without internet at the place I'm staying. Plus, I'm so deprived of TV as well. But hopefully things would get better, after all, it's only almost my first week here. Gosh seems like I've been here for a long time. Right, what else, yes, weather. Weather has been great. I like it best when the sun's not shining so brightly. The first few days was really warm and sunny, however it's taken a cool change, hence more gloomy and breezy days. That's more my cup of tea. =)

This should be enough for a few days worth of post. I miss you guys and I'll try to blog more often (and every reason to be so since I've just gotten a month's worth of wifi at Starbucks) xoxoxoxox

The Introduction

2006-05-06T09:52:00.000+01:00

I've decided to create a new blog as my travelogue, as not to be confused with the always erratic and sometimes pensive main blog of mine. I don't know how much I'll be able to update both blogs, but hopefully it will be more regular and interesting than my previous effort. I realise that this is an important point in my life where new adventures awaits me, hidden in foreign places, breathtaking landscapes, and also the occasional kind stranger; new lifelong friendships (hopefully) will be forged, and more importantly, a test of my faith and character, as I explore and push new boundaries. I don't know precisely how long I will be gone, and whether I'll cut my entire trip short eventually and settle for a 9-5 job at home. Who knows? The unknown excites and scares me at the same time. Wish me luck!